Taking kids to eat is no easy task. I find that the more that I avoid it, the wilder my kids get when we finally make it there. Nonetheless, there are a few tricks I have found to keep my kiddos controlled during dinner.

1. Give them some grace. I don’t compare my kids to what I think other kids behave like. As long as they are not actively bothering others, I try to avoid telling them “No” at every turn. We try to wait outside until our turn is called so that they can get a little energy out on the front end. I will let them throw pebbles into the zero landscaped plot of pebbles or ask them to collect fallen leaves. We will try to find bugs or run and jump over cracks or creases. I find that being a “cool mom” early on helps later if I have to guide their behavior. Inside the restaurant I admittedly let them play under our table (as long as they aren’t picking at the dried gum) or dance in the ambient space away from other tables. We always utilize the activities we are given, but sometimes just giving them some wiggle room and avoiding any scolding, their every move will get you further.
2. Play silly games. Everything is a silly game at dinnertime. The challenge is keeping the games quiet. A family favorite is spit-wads; yes, balled-up paper spit through a straw… the kids are allowed to shoot them at the water glasses but only if there is outdoor or booth seating and no way that they can hit other patrons. We get some dirty looks, but the kids focus a lot on their strategy and in reality rarely even succeed at getting a paper napkin or straw wrapper through the straw. They stay focused and quiet-ish and we get to enjoy our meal. We also like to try to make sculptures out of any bread product offered as an appetizer. This only works at places like Texas Roadhouse or Macaroni Grill that have bread on the tables.
3. Never underestimate the value of an apology. If my kids get the best of me, I’ll usually apologize to those around me and thank them for their patience. We usually ask for our meal to be boxed up and then promptly leave. I think it’s important that my kids understand that they don’t need to be perfect, but also that there are thresholds for my tolerance. Tantrums are something that I don’t expect others to suffer through, so those are always handled with a swift exit. We also don’t tolerate any throwing of items, food or otherwise. You will find that as long as you try your best, everyone else will try their best to forgive you.
4. Try. I try not to sit on my phone or tablet during our meal and expect our kids to behave on their own. The absence of our effort is bound to prompt them to get our attention. Even scolding is attention, and some kids will misbehave just to get your reaction. It is not important what others think about your parenting style, but I do believe that being present is the best way to manage any high stakes or unfamiliar situation. Eating out might not seem like an adventure to us, but kids might need more minute to minute guidance than you would think.

Whitney B